Losing the 9-5

Among other things I've decided to take charge of how I spend my day. My typical day has consisted of:

• Waking up to chubby bunny around 5:45
• Diaper changes
• Nursing
• Jumping in the shower and quickly getting ready
• Bringing Bunny down to Gramma/Nanny at 7:00
• Making a super quick lunch
• Getting all pumping supplies together
• 25 minute commute with hubs (we work for the same company)
• Work from 8-4:30 (sometimes add overtime in that mix)
• Pump 3 times while at work
• Home to Bunny
• Nursing immediately
• Dinner
• Clean up as much as possible
• Play time
• 7:00pm wind-down
• Nurse to sleep
• Crib
• Drag myself to bed

Somehow I manage to interact with my husband during all of this. We also have a dog that we try to give attention to as well.  If the weather isn't too hot we might snag a walk in with the whole family. 

So, why did I just spell out my typical day timeline?  To show you that I feel like I'm wasting my time working at a place where I've been told that after two years and despite above average reviews I will not be getting a raise. I spend my days at a place where I was told not to "take advantage" of calling in when the nanny/gramma couldn't come to watch chubby bunny. A place where I get back to my desk after pumping a measly 2 ounces in 30 minutes and I get asked "where I was" because I "wasn't at my desk" and I "didn't answer my phone."  Well guess what buddy I wasn't goofing off or out having fun.

SOOOO...I've decided that my time is better spent home with CB. Between exclusively breastfeeding CB, making her food, keeping the house clean, the laundry done, etc. I feel that I have enough on my plate. At least for a few weeks. Maybe once things settle down I'll feel like I want a part-time job to get out of the house. But in the end, working at a place where you are not appreciated and will not be rewarded for a job well done is overrated. Life is too short to be unhappy.

And Then We Were Three

Our little lady has made her arrival. Baby McCann came into this world on February 18th at 6:49pm.  My labor and delivery were uneventful and remarkably easy.  This is our first child so I was as surprised as you (and my midwife) that all was so fast and easy.

I woke up around 2:00am on Monday morning with painful contractions. Now, I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks so what got my attention with these was the pain level.  Around 7:00am I got out of bed and decided to ignore the contractions because surely baby was not going to make her way into the world today. I mean, I had just had a doctor appointment on Thursday and there was no action happening. My midwife had even given me permission to go up north for the weekend.  And by "up north" i mean about two hours away from home. Not a big deal but when you're less than a week from your due date its risky.

By 9:00am I was in full tears/panic mode. I had gone to the bathroom and was greeted with the unexpected surprise of my bloody show. Its a bit alarming to be greeted with blood after 9 months of not having a period.  I made hubs call the birthing center and they wanted us to come in within the hour.  9:45am saw us showered and at the hospital, bags in tow (just in case). My midwife checked me out and I was 1cm dilated.  I was hooked up to a monitor to track contractions and baby's heartbeat.  I was advised to walk the halls for 2 hours and come back so they could check the progress.

After two hours they hooked me up again and were a little concerned about baby's heartbeat so, even though we had just talked about sending me home, they decided to keep me for about 30 minutes more.  After 30 minutes my midwife came to check on me again....3cm dilated!  What??  I think everyone was shocked by that.

So needless to day I was not going home at this point. Hubs and I ordered lunch and just tried to get through the next few hours of painful contractions. He was so good to me; distracting me, playing the Lumineers when I randomly requested them. Dancing around the birthing room with me during some of the more painful contractions.

Throughout the day I dilated quite fast and around 5:00pm we had the conversation to break my waters.  I had wanted to wait til the last possible moment because after your waters break the contractions become more intense. They were intense enough as I did not have any pain medication. I had planned for a water birth, all natural.  Thus far I was able to manage the painful contractions through breathing techniques and distractions from my hubby.

Ok, back to waters breaking...my midwife broke my waters at 9cm and it felt like I had peed the bad and couldn't stop. It didn't hurt or feel uncomfortable, just weird.  After my waters broke I quickly (within minutes) dilated to 10cm.  The magic pushing number had finally arrived and into the tub I went. 

The tub was about 100 degrees, had lights, and handles for me to use when pushing.  The handles were the greatest.  Really helped me get leverage when pushing.  I pushed for about an hour (remarkable for a first child I was told).  Baby Rory came into the world at 6:49pm weighing in at 6lbs 3oz and 18 and 3/4 inches long.  She was alert and eyes open from the minute she was pulled out of the water and placed on my chest. We were shocked to see her.  Little peanut has a full head of hair and was very very pink.

Perfect birth and perfect baby. We are home now and just trying to manage the lack of sleep, hives from breastfeeding, and wearing an adult diaper for the next few weeks while I have mega period. We can do this...

DIY Maternity Photos

Hubs wants to DIY our baby photos. I kind of cringe at this thought only because neither of us are professional (or even amateur) photographers in any sense.  We do have a nice camera though and I know he wants to save some money.

We I did look at photographers and price out newborn photos. Just the one session would end up running us an average of  $300-400 when all is said and done. So I can see why Brad wants to give it the old college try. Thanks to Pinterest I've been reading articles and saving them to show Brad. Hopefully we can pick up enough tips and tricks to make these look really nice.  

10 Tips for Photographing Babies

I really wanted maternity photos done and approached Brad about it with the thought that this could be a nice practice run for newborn photos.  We spend the morning taking shots around the house.  Then we decided that we would brave the outdoors...in the middle of the winter...in Wisconsin.  It was a sunny 8 degree day (not including the windchill).  Needless to say, we did not last long outside.

Just a little peak, but I really liked them.  These have not been Photoshopped yet. The top one is going to be a silhouette where I am more blacked out and you can just see my shape.  Showing off that little bump!

For the second photo I just wore leggings and one of Brad's work shirts. Something comfy and relaxing so the bump could take center stage. 

Fake Labor is a Pain in the...

Since Friday night I've been feeling contractions more and more. I tried explaining them to my midwife at my last visit and did not get a definite answer as to whether they were contractions or just Braxton Hicks. Having never experienced childbirth, I feel like the twinges and tummy tightening sensations are a bit alarming. How do I know when it's the real deal?

The countdown is really on now. I will be 38 weeks on Wednesday and I am so ready to meet this little lady.  We have almost finished the nursery; just need to get a rocking chair and move a rug from downstairs to her bedroom. The rocking chair has been delegated to Brad.  I had picked one out from IKEA but he did not think it was comfortable enough and vetoed it. So I decided that this one one task I would leave entirely up to him...about a month ago. Thus far a chair has not been bought, mentioned (unless I bring it up), or even looked at.

I'm guessing this will be a "baby has arrived and we need to stop and pick one up on the way home" type of thing.  Which is especially annoying since he's had over a month to research and buy a stupid chair. I don't understand how the one tiny task I delegate to him has not taken precedence over everything else.  I have even gotten his mother to start calling and asking if he found a chair yet.

Ok enough of that extremely pregnant lady vent...

Enough about fake contractions and a frustrating rocking chair situation.  I'll just think about the nursery and all the hard work we put into it.  Bean's godmother and I painted the nursery white (from a robins egg blue). Brad's mother and I made the crib bedding. I made the owl mobile and the curtains. I ordered the vinyl from a cute Etsy shop and it took almost all day one Sunday to put that up. Brad put together the crib and dresser. He also put up the shelving for me, and hung the pictures.

This baby better come soon...

Tis the Season...

...The cold and flu season that is! Yup, 8 1/2 months pregnant and my husband someone decided to share a lovely cold.  Not exactly sure who the culprit is as I've been trying to stay away from any and all hacking, coughing, sniffling, etc no matter who is doing it. Alas, it was not meant to be. 

Despite the temptation to run to our now well stocked medicine basket, I must occasionally remind myself to refrain.  Usually this weakness occurs after a particularly bad coughing fest or when my throat feels like it's on fire in the morning. But, baby doesn't have any need for Theraflu or NyQuil so by default neither do I. 

On another note, we made it through "The Season."  11 Christmases later and we are officially done buying presents, wrapping, grumbling to ourselves, visiting family, stuffing our faces, watching hubby enjoy a drink, and chatting with people we might see only once a year. 11 Christmases you say...seems a bit excessive right?  Well let me break it down for you.  Hubs and I both come from divorced families so...

• That's 2 separate parent Christmases for me, plus 1 set of grandparents still living. Also my brother spent Christmas with his wife's family this year so they hosted a small get together for immediate family the weekend before. That makes 4 Christmas celebrations on my side.
• Hubs has 2 seperate parent Christmases as well, plus 3 sets of grandparents (divorce again) still living. That makes 5 Christmas celebrations on his side. 
• We are fortunate enough to live in a fun neighborhood that hosts a Progressive Christmas Dinner night complete with a Toys for Tots drive. Since we are fairly new to the neighborhood we couldn't say no to this one. 
• We have one group of friends (husbands' man-friends from high school & all the wives) that all decided to have a get together this year. We definitely didn't want to miss that as it was probably the most fun and there were NO presents involved, just lots of food and alcohol

So, there you have it. Now these 11 Christmases were not the only things happening in the month of December. We do have a life to get on with in-between all this holiday cheer.  We had birthday parties (mine, a friends daughter, my sister in law, my soon to be step-mother, a cousin, etc.), doctors appointments to see our little Bean grow, baby classes, classes for work, etc. So you can see where I might have fallen short of holiday cheer this year.

But where is the cutoff point? It's not like we can refuse to attend the parties our grandparents are hosting. This time of year is really the only time we are able to visit these family members. What if it's their last? And you can't say no to parents; the guilt trip that never ends isn't worth it no matter how tempted I get. So that puts us down to a bare minimum of about 8 a year. What are we going to do when Bean is here?  Granted she'll be almost a year by next Christmas but HOLY COW! what a nightmare.

Thankfully December is now behind us...and we survived.  Now to get through January and these colds. Bring on February and Bean! 

Nightmare before Christmas

Oh geezzz! Per usual I've got some catching up to do. Well, as I expand, I need to find clothing to cover the bump. Halloween has always been one of my favorites. So when I realized that I couldn't make use of the box of costumes I have stored I was both sad and a little panicked.

I went searching for something cute and fun that I could wear and not feel like a pumpkin. I found it on Etsy in the form of an iron on.

This little gem arrived about a week after I ordered it. I used a pre-pregnancy shirt and, because we're expecting a little lady, I added a bow to the skeleton baby's' head later that night.  I had the hubby take this picture with my phone so I know that quality is not the best. But, I was so excited to have a cute Halloween costume that I didn't think to demand he capture the moment with our nice camera.

Glowing Skin...Where are you?

There is a falsity in the pregnancy community that I need to dispel!  Just because you are pregnant does not mean, I repeat, does not mean that you will have that glowing beautify pregnancy skin. 

Because of all the hormones running around through your body during this wonderful time many women (including myself) experience acne, dry skin patches, changes in your skin type (oily to dry vs dry to oily).  It's exhausting!  Trying to keep up with all the changes, trying to take in all in stride, takes a tole on your skin and vanity.

Four Months and Counting

16 weeks and counting.  Baby is roughly the size of a turnip (or so my pregnancy app says).  I've gained about 4lbs and basically look like I need to take a crap, or like I've been chowing on donuts. Either way, I'm less than comfortable with my new shape.

Now that I've started the second trimester I do feel like I have more energy.  I also have a bigger appetite. I have to keep reminding myself that the old adage of  "you're eating for two" is false!!!  You only need about 300 extra calories a day, which really isn't much. So I've been trying to eat more fruits and veggies.

We are in the process of boxing up our tiny apartment for the big move.  Hoping that everything stays on track and we can really be moved by the second week in October. Painting and steam cleaning carpets will happen that first week.

Also happening the first week in October is our first ultrasound!  Yay for that, because I am one excited lady. I am just dying to know...boy...girl...why do they make you wait soooo long!?!  Also I secretly need confirmation that there is really only one little bean in there.  Some days I have my doubts; like when I can't button up my pants, or my underwear feel tight, or when I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror.

Little bean is doing well, I'm doing well, the old man is playing Nintendo, and our little monster is sleeping on the couch. All is well in our household...for now.

And Summer's Almost Gone Already

Have been neglecting you again. But I have an excuse...a legit one this time.

We are expecting!  We took this photo a while back on our two week road trip to Yellowstone & Glacier Nationals Parks. We thought it would be a cute way to announce.

I am 13 weeks and 2 days right now.  Baby is due February 20th, 2013 (or somewhere around that time).  It's pretty weird though, I haven't been sick. I have felt tired and hungry and sure, my hormones may have gotten the best of me a time or two, but other than that I don't really feel pregnant.  Not sure if I'm allowed to say that, but I did...I don't feel pregnant, just fat.

We are trying be very budget savvy right now as...oh did I forget to mention...we are in the middle of buying our first home. No big deal, just a baby and a house in 6 months..oh and we traded in our Scion for a Subaru. SO yeah...no big scary life changes happening here.

Anyway, back to budget savvy.  I wanted to go crazy and have the cutest nursery ever, like most momma's to be. But, the hubs squashed that one pretty quick with the sheer look of panic that crossed his face as we walked around BuyBuy Baby and Babies R U.  Poor guy, thought he was going to have a mini right in the crib isle. So, I have decided to take pity on the love of my life and do a lot of DIY things, bargain hunt, and I have even deigned to consider buying second hand.

My first second hand trip is actually happening tomorrow as I peruse the huge Mac-Groveland neighborhood sales happening. Sounds like I have the potential to get a good haul!

The second idea I had was to make all my burp clothes myself.  I know how to sew, and used to sew quite i bit back in the day, but haven't done much in recent years.  I plan on digging out my sewing machine, watching for awesome JoAnn coupons and picking up some lovely fabric. I already have a pattern I found free on Pinterest. 

My third idea was about baby's furniture. First, I want to get a crib that grows with baby. The one that transforms into a toddler bed and then a big kid bed. Seems like I'll get more for my money that way.  Second, I was reading on various blogs that a changing table is a waste of time. So I'm going to head straight for a real dresser and add a changing pad and shelf liner to the top (so the pad doesn't slide).  This way I already have a dresser for baby as he/she grows AND I'm not stuck with a useless changing table in a year.

Lastly, I don't mind buying used clothing for baby. I think of it this way, baby is going to be a puking, pooping, sleeping, eating machine for the first 6 months at least. They don't even know what they're wearing. What do I care if baby pukes or poops in second hand clothing. At least I won't be sad that I paid a lot for something that was ruined.

OK, now off to bed for this tired lady. Garage sales in the early morning. 

Successfully Surprised

Saturday (June 9th) marked my husband's 30th birthday. I wanted to do something very special for him and for the last few months have been trying to plan a party he might enjoy.

First, I'd better give a little history on mu hubby. For some reason he strongly dislikes celebrating his birthday.  I don't know if it's the fuss he doesn't enjoy, or maybe he feels that people would be obligated to attend, but whatever the case, he doe not enjoy it. He'd rather go away for the weekend with me.

When I informed him that his mother would like to celebrate his birthday by hosting dinner he was up in arms about it!  He complained for weeks that he wanted to go camping or canoeing; he did not want to be around friends or family. He did not want to drive to our hometown for dinner.  He did not want people to get him cards.  And on, and on, and on...

Well, little did he know that this was the cover story for the surprise party that his mother and I had cooked up.  We had help from a few friends in creating the surprise, finding the location, ordering the food, etc.  His buddies took him golfing all day and when they finished 18 holes they were met with a clubhouse full of friends and family (and amazing food).

I thought he had figured it out for sure, but he seemed very surprised by the event and the loved one who came. I think deep down he felt happy to know that so many people wanted to celebrate with him.

I was happy to see him enjoying himself, relaxing, having a few drinks, and mingling. Mission Accomplished!!  Wishing a Happy Birthday to the most wonderful man in my life; you bring me immense joy and happiness every day. I try my hardest to bring you the same. 

Better Late than Never - Hiking Trip

Sorry for the lack of posting. Life has been crazy the last few weeks.

Anyway, this is a recap of my hiking adventure.

Well, I survived the weekend...barely.  We had planned on hiking and camping for 3 days, 2 nights, but we cut it short and only did 2 days, 1 night.

Apparently not all the campsites are "first come, first serve" as we found out when we reached Tettegouche State Park Friday afternoon. All the campsites had already been reserved.  By this time we has hiked 8 miles or so, each of us carrying a 20+ pound pack.  The next campsite was East Palisades...another 5miles down the trail.  So, short of just hopping off the trail and setting up a tent in the middle of nowhere, we trekked on.

Thoroughly exhausted after 13 miles we quickly set up the tent, boiled dinner, strained and sanitized water from the stream and promptly collapsed in out sleeping bags.

Day two in the wilderness dawned hot and sunny with a sultry breeze.  This would normally be a wonderful hiking day for most, but our battered and bruised, dehydrated bodies, begged to differ.  We ate a quick breakfast while planning the day. We has only 10 miles of trail left before we reached our car.  This left us with two options:

1.  Hike our planned route of 5-6 miles that day and make camp. Then, hike the last bit Sunday.
2.  Hike the whole 10 miles and drive into Duluth to stuff our faces with delicious, greasy burgers. 

You can guess which option won out. So, we started our 10 mile trek to the car. We ended up in the sun for the better part of the day.  I was even sporting sock tan lines at the end. Dehydration became so bad for me that I hadn't had to use the bathroom since I woke up that morning.  This is a bad sign!!

Now don't get me wrong, even though this was a disaster of a hiking trip, I enjoyed it in many ways. We saw bear paw print, took cute photos of each other with breathtaking views in the background, and the quiet of the forest was wonderful.

I enjoyed the experience not only because I found inner strength to persevere when I though I would simply keel over from exhaustion, but I spent two stressful days with my husband and we did not take out our anxiety or exhaustion on each other.  We worked as a team to get through 23 miles in 2 days and I am so very proud of this.

It's situations like this that make me truly grateful I met ( and had the good sense to marry) this man. Hiking 23 miles over one of the toughest parts of the Superior Hiking Trail is a personal accomplishment for me. An adventure I will always remember with my best friend.    

Superior Trails Ahead

Getting all packed up tonight to head out after work tomorrow for the Superior Hiking Trails. We're hiking and camping Friday morning to Sunday afternoon.  We've never hiked these trails before though so I don't know what to expect in terms of terrain or climate.  My pack is very heavy right now...scaring me already!

This will be the first time I've hiked with a large pack. But, since we are heading out to Montana in a month to do just this very thing for two whole weeks, I thought I might like to get some experience under my belt instead of jumping in blind.

B is walking around our tiny apartment talking to himself about all the things he might be forgetting. Keeps saying "Gah, we might be alright" while his hands are in his pants. Is this normal behavior? Unsure, but will continue to silently mock him. He does the same to be...but without the silent part.

We live a few hours away from Superior so we've got a bit of a drive after work, but we are staying in a hotel Thursday night because I couldn't bear the thought of camping in our car (the cheapest alternative) or a campsite in the park.  We found a Groupon for a hotel close to the shuttle and it was a pretty good deal so we went with that. Hot shower, warm bed, and hot food before I plunge into a forest full of bugs, damp nights, cold air, and uncomfortable sleeping bags.

I keep trying to convince myself that I can be this outdoorsy girl. That I don't look totally butch in my hiking clothes and shoes, that I don't mind pulling wood tics out of random places on my body. (Deep calming breath). But it's freaking hard!  I hate bugs and ugly clothes. However the trade off is that I can spend time with a wonderful guy, enjoy some peace and quiet, and burn some calories without really noticing.

Let the long weekend adventure being!
  

Memorial Weekend

Spent Memorial weekend waiting for the rain to stop. Met with success Sunday afternoon when the weather turned a hot and humid 90 degrees. Went for a boat ride around the lake and later a jet ski ride with my husband.

Today is a lazy day of afternoon napping followed by stopping in at a few family cookouts. Got some major details of our summer trip hammered out this morning over cinnamon Chex with strawberries. Delish!  Didn't even mind that B ate about half (per usual). 

Jumping back to this weekend, I was able to pick the brains of some friends who have a six month old. I asked about what kinds of things they bought for baby that were a waste of money and what was really worth it. I learned a few things:

Buy:
Nanny Nap thing
Diaper Genie
Bumbo -with the tray
Baby Bjorn bib
Bassinet

Don't Buy:
Tons of baby clothes - Baby won't even wear half of the stuff before they grow out of it.
Tons of toys
Lotions and soaps- wait to see how sensitive baby's skin is first. 

Obviously there are more things to buy than not buy, but it was good to hear from new parents. I've started looking for a few things, like a diaper bag and crib, but there are so many things to buy that's it's overwhelming.

Hot and Boozey

I have two things to share:

1.  I ran three miles today and it was uncomfortable.
2.  I found a gluten free beer I like:  New Grist.

Amid all the BS today brought, I found time for a run outside in this beautiful weather. Up here you take what you can get when it comes around.

After my less than pleasant run, I went to the liquor store (this was not motivated by my crappy run) conveniently located behind our apartment building and they had two gluten free beer brands. I went with New Grist at $8 something a 6-pack and had one for dinner tonight. It had an after-taste reminiscent of mineral water if that makes sense. In all the gluten free nonsense, I haven't missed many wheaty foods, but beer has most definitely been missed.

It almost makes up for that uncomfortable run.

Tides of Change

So as you can probably tell, I am not a dedicated blogger I blog when the mood strikes. Well it struck again! I want to start sharing my latest quest in life. To become a mother. Now you may think "well it's not that hard, just go get pregnant." But, being the planner that I am, I want to go about this in the right way. It also doesn't help that my husband is even more of a planner than I am (if that's possible).

Before I even approached him with the idea of baby M, I took some time to consider the things I wanted out if this pregnancy.
1. I know that I want to be comfortable with myself and my size before I get pregnant.
2. I want to stay physically active during my entire pregnancy.
3. I want to develop good eating habits that will carry into my pregnancy and beyond.
4. I want to be financially prepared.
5. We need to move out of this beautiful...but tiny apartment.
6. I want to make sure that this is something my husband wants. It can't be all one sided.
7. I am in my mid to late 20's and don't want to wait anymore.

I know I have more reasons, and will continue to think of them. This is a good place to start.

I have been struggling with getting to a comfortable weight and size. I am not what you would call fat. Mostly just have that Midwest body type. I am 5'7" and guestimate that I weigh about 135. I do not own a scale and do not judge "healthy" by a number. I just want to feel comfortable in the clothing I own and wear.

I have been working out a few times a week for about 2 months now. As the weather has warmed up here I've become more motivated. I have noticed that the tire around my stomach has gotten smaller (thank god) and the cellulite in my Midwest ass is diminishing (insert sigh of relief here).

Last month I decided to go Gluten Free, not because I have Celiac's but to see how I feel. Well, I feel great so I am going to continue with it, even though I miss pasta, pizza, and cupcakes. I keep reminding myself I can still have them, it just takes planning.

Well this was a good starting point today. Off to the gym for an hour of hell. ;)

A Year Frozen in Time

It's been a year and yet it seems like only yesterday I was slipping into that creation of strapless cream lace, adjusting makeup and hair, and preparing to bind myself to this man for all time.

The top tier of a cake I never got to taste has been in my freezer for a year. It has been wrapped in layers of plastic and foil in an effort to preserve it. It as moved across a state line with us. It has symbolized a joining of two people for a year, inside my freezer. Now this foil wrapped mystery delight is thawing on my counter top; waiting to be eaten. Does the magic of that breathless giddy day still reside inside this top tier? Will it be there waiting for us when we bite into the first piece?

The tradition of keeping the top tier of cake is supposed to remind you of your wedding day, or if we were still in the early 19th century, it would be saved for the christening of our child...apparently weddings and christenings were very close together for most couples. For us the tradition would be to remind us of the happy occasion.

Although, it still really does feel like just yesterday that we were up on a beautiful cliff overlooking downtown saying our "I dos" in front of friends and family. So maybe there is something to be said for keeping the top tier. If nothing else, each time I've reached into the freezer it has served a purpose in reminding me of my wedding day; of putting a little smile on my lips as I remember how nervous he looked.

On the other hand, when you choose to marry your very best friend you don't really need another reminder of the happiest day of your life. You will always have the best reminder right next to you, in the car, at the grocery store, on the couch, in the kitchen, hogging the bathroom sink...

Oh How Time Flies

Time really does fly when you're having fun. It's been about a year since my last post. I'm married, living in Lowertown, and very content with the path I've taken. The "I" has most definitely become an "Us," leading me on an adventure of a lifetime to be sure.

In the past year we've found ourselves in a few canoes, in a tent in the middle of nowhere, listening to what we think was a chainsaw all night, in a foreign country eating Kraut and Wurst, in a tiny but comfy apartment, in a new car, on a road trip to the east coast, lots of give and take moments, and the most important of all is that we really did become and "Us" and it was easy.

If it's really that easy to enjoy spending time together why are there people who hate their spouse? I couldn't imagine that; he's my very best friend. The one who's seem me at my best and my worst, seen me on top of the world and watched my life fall to pieces. Not once has he judged me, unless of course I ask to be judged.

Any way you cut it, this last year has been one hell of a growing experience for me. I am part of a team, but I am still me.

Journey into the Unknown

In less than 2 months there will be no more "I" but instead an "Us." It seems that after 3 years of planning and dreaming and waiting the day is closing on faster than I can even begin to comprehend.

The thought of sharing my everything with another human being is a little scary; also a little exciting. Who knows what married life will bring? Definitly a change of scenary-maybe a cross country move or maybe just a jaunt to uptown. Either way the prospect of starting out on our own brings a little flutter of excitement to my chest.

Here's to the many changes and exciting upcoming events!

Rainbow Blessings

I was walking browny the other day, just watching her enjoy herself and thinking about how I was missing Brad.

Browny was running through the tall grass, sniffing every little blade. Despite a sunny day, a few dark clouds were rollong in. Suddenly, it was like the sky was a perfect mix of light and darkness;the sun was smiling while rain was starting to fall.

Browns and I were walking on country roads so envision green fields all around while the rain is starting.

I looked up and this huge rainbow, larger than life, appeared in the sky. Half of it went through the clouds while the other half spanned the blue. I kept thinking how amazing this looked-so surreal-and wishing that Brad was there to share it with.

Moments like that make you think, make you stop and realize what you have, what you should be thankful for, and what really matters in life.

the little things

since i graduated, i have noticed all tje little things i've missed. i missed waking up with b every morning, watching shows that irritate the crap out of him, and vice versa. i missed sitting in bed reading until all hours of the night while he sleeps-listening to his subtle snore and getting a rare sleepy smile. today, im thankful for all the little things im no longer missing.

b and i did some more landscaping at the house. we had so much fun picking out shrubs, flowers, and bark. we spent an entire day digging, weeding, and planting. now waiting to see what grows-see our handiwork-is kind of exciting. i never thought i would find so much pleasure in such a small task. again, just another little experience im no longer missing.

my life has taken an amazing turn in the last few months. sometimes it catches me off guard and i have to stop and blink, waiting to see if it disappears. thus far ive been blessed. all the little things in my life are something to be grateful for.

dont get me wrong, its not always sunshine and daisys, but for the most part ive been able to handle the bad stuff. i just keep reminding myself of the good.

"i myself always strive to live within the light." ~professor slughorn